I lived with my grandparents and some of my relatives when I was small. Undeniably, I was very willful that time. That's why I got scolded and canned by my grandma so much. Hahax... I was pretty much terrified by the cans because they managed to leave vivid scars on my mind successfully everytime. So, I got more deathly afraid of pain.

As I grow older, certainly, I begin to lose my innocence and start to understand things gradually. Over the years, I've approached lots of pain unintentionally and lots of pain have also approached me deliberately. However, what I didn't know was the other side of what pain could bring us. Therefore, I tried my best to avoid pain whenever there's a chance.

But I can see it now. I mean what pain is attempting to tell us. Pain helps us to learn our lessons in life. When we learn our lessons and deal with the hardships, the pain eventually flies away and our spirits grow and become stronger.

Pain, I'm not that afraid of you now. =)

My part of the story

Around 5 months ago, I've made my most difficult decision yet. I decided to let go. And the time I took to this conclusion was 2weeks. It was because I understand the magical word " sometimes in order not to fall apart , you have to let go of what keeps you together" that I've come to this decision. Trust me, it was a long row to hoe and this time, I put all my eggs in one basket. A fool at 40 is a fool forever, and I would never want to end up like that.

I too, constantly encourage and demand myself to stand up fast. I thought I'll be able to get to my feet after a few weeks just like what you aimed for. So, I stopped thinking about the things because I knew a watched pot never boils. Time flies and without noticing, a few months have already passed. At this moment, I though YES... finally... FINALLY... FINALLY!!!! THE PAIN IS GONE!! I DID IT~*. I was pretty much happy then. To be exact, I felt relieved instead.

This was the time when thingS started to approach me again. Was it purely coincidence or was it fated?! Frankly speaking, I do not know. All of a sudden, it came to my senses that the feeling was still strong, very strong, associated with the same tremendous pain. It was just in the state of inactivation for the moment. Opps.... I'm doomed. WHAT?! It is still here?! But How come?! After all this while, supposingly, things are as much use as a handbrake on a canoe to me now. How did this happen? After a month of Sundays, what have gone wrong?! Nothing seemed wrong during the process and why this now?

This wasn't of my control, it was of subconscious. Yes, it is true that if there's a wish, there's a way and the mindset is in me. No one can help me. But you know what?! All this while, I've never thought of getting anyone's help because I know I am my only saviour. Yea!! Cross your fingers and everything will happen just like what you hope for?! Yea right.. No matter how thingS go well, sometimes, just sometimes, tHings are likely to follow their way of flow. Perseverance you talking about, what do you think my 5 months are trying to tell you?! Please do allow me to tell you. To me, great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance. Perseverance was my only friend during that 5 months.

Now that I have this cip on my shoulder, yes, I have to admit after all the hardworks I've done, it is kind of pathetic. And you think I'll be at my wit's end? And you think I'll be away with the fairies? I am almost nineteen now and I am truly aware of the things at the top of my list. Please do not worry about me, and sorry if I made you. People get lonely at times and some of the time it is because they just want to be alone. Isn't it perfectly alright to do so?

As you've said, history keeps reminding you of your mistakes, so that you wouldn't live the previous life anymore. Same goes to me. This indicates the significance of the past events to you and also to me. How can a person live their previous life? Your experiences are the major factor preventing that from happening. Nothing will be same as before. It will never return to what it used to be. Never. But being slightly haunted by the past doesn't mean that I long for the past, I want to live my previous life, I want everything to go back exactly the same like the olden days. I used to, but now, not anymore. This only means that i need more time.

You said you are opposite as me. Unfortunately, I don't think so. You decide what comes to your life least, of course, you have the power to decide what comes to your life most as well. When you decide what leaves you life most, at the same time, you're deciding what leaves your life the least indirectly. How can one let go of predestination since it is fated. Everything you do is at the cause of it.

I believe Im capable of doing anything I want to.
Just that I need more time.

PS: thingS mentioned earlier is not a non-living being. Hope you understand C=
Just wanted to tell I'm alright and I'm strong. =)

I'm happy

I'm happY with what I have
and what I don't.

I believe everything happens for a reason
and the consequences do always lead to the brighter side...
Yes, I believe it now.... Strongly

No matter how far things go,
the moment it stops
is the time when everything gets back to the starting point.

A lot of things in life concentrate
on forming the person you will be in the future.

And I certainly do not want to be "an option" anymore.
I... only yearn for being.......... the only one....

No matter how long will it take to become the one
I shall wait.

Me

I decide what comes to my life most

and what leaves the least.

That's why I am Me today.

Though

Everything seems so empty and blank everywhere.

On the outside, somehow I really wouldn't want to go out from my steel cage

While my heart is wishing for someone out there
to pick up the key and reach out for me.

I can no longer know what's right or wrong..

If only I can be blamed for the cause of everything....

I....

Meet Me Halfway

I can't go any further than this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

Cool,
I spent my time just thinkin' thinkin' thinkin' bout you
Every single day, ´cause I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to, use to, use to, use to do
Hey girl, what's up, we used to used to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin' thinkin' thinkin' bout you
Every single day, ´cause I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to, use to, use to, use to do
Hey girl what's up yo... what's up, what's up, what's up

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl, I travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galaxies
Just tell me where to go, just tell me where you wanna meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want I, I... I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
Wanna have you around (round) like every single day
I love you alway, way
(I'll meet you halfway

Can you meet me half way)
Right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and I, for you and I, for for for you and I,
For for for you and I, for for you and I, for you and I

Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half waaaay!

Meet me half way, right at the borderline
There's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish




Credits to Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway
hahax... check out this song! it's nice~*
But doesn't mean im fond 0f the lyrics =)

It won't be the same again

No matter how things go well

It will not be the same as before.

It would not be the same again.

Why?

Asking me why...

Asking me why......?!

Asking me?!?!?!

LolZ....

Wow....

hahax.....

Sorry, it's a bit too hilarious

Me?

ASking me the question that I do not have answer to...

why?!?!?! Do you know there are how many questions in my head tat begin with this "why".

wow.... I really don't know.... and I don't know why.

how much I wish I can gain the access to all the answers to these "why".

I didn't expect for you to be the one who ask "why".... at the first place

我对了…… =|

原来都是真的。

原来事实都是真的……

本来还以为事情没那么简单。

谁知道原来这真的就是事实……

那么我当初在那么不愿意的状况下做出的决定，

可能真的

做对了……

虽然心里是多么地希望我这决定是错的。

然而，摆脱不了事实。

原本还想过了那么难熬的一段时间，

可能都是我太敏感了吧，

可能我了解的事实并不是真的事实

是时候舒缓一下状况了。

本来还打算是这么想的。

可是，现在我……

真的什么都不想再想了。

发现了我当初的直觉是对的，

实际来说，应该高兴一番，

证明我做对。

但是，我真的不能……

伤口又再痛了。

=\

>.<"

there too much to talk about today!!

(1st, what pisses me the most today was the chemistry test)
GRrrrrr!!!! =.=" what's wrong with her?!
THE QUESTIONS WERE TOO TOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh........ .. .. ...
="+ ...
T.T spoil my day!!
didn't expected it to be "this" tough
I only sleep 4-5hours last night, expecting for a good result...
sigh....
=.=" what more can i say now...
really =.=||
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
skip that...
Lately, I feel like sharing some songs. Some really "WOW" oneS!!!
but of cuz BoA's will still always be the best FOR ME xD Lolz..

Enjoy!! =D

SNSD - Oh!



(*Set the 360p to 480p or 720p for better video quality ;) )




CN Blue - I'm A Loner (This song will rock your body)










Kara - Mr
(This is from last year. Fell in luv wif it instantly.
AND MOREOVER, LOOK AT THE DANCE!! OMG!!)
(All five of them are gorgeous ladies =D )

重新出发。

一切归零


是时候


再一次地从心出发


=） (加油吧！）


…… … …

或许吧……

当初，
虽然是看了这么多年的天空，
可是，仍然觉得它很美。
总是那么地旷阔，
那么地高高在上，
微不足道的我
在那蔚蓝的高空下
显得特别地羡慕它
有着那无边际的世界
要到哪里去都行。


可是，不知道从何时开始，
每次抬起头望着你的时候……
就会有一种不好受的伤感
我不知道要怎么形容这感觉
也不懂它从哪里莫名其妙地冒出来……
有时候，
看见
鸟儿在那阴沉的灰空下自由地飞翔着
我心情更是沉重。


现在，
每当我看着你的时候，
都会很自然地叹气，
也不知道为什么。


或许在我心里很深，很深的某处
确实真的很妒忌你
为什么就只有你能海阔天空
为什么就只有你不必想
为什么就只有你不需烦
为什么就只有你
你真的有那么了不起吗？
为什么就只有你有特别优待
为什么…… 为什么……！！
真的好不公平……
就只有你……
……
那我呢？
……



也或许
在我心里的另外一个某处
真的很想把所有的一切都丢给你
这所有的一切可真太重了
可是却又不能。


或许一切的事物
都只是镜中花，水中月。


或许吧。

TIme flows...

In the blink of an eye,
shockingly
a year has passed....

It's simply too fast
Sigh...
I wonder what will happen this year...

Last year was a year a little too complicated to describe about
Too much unpredictable happenings...

what year will this year be?
I hope it will be a pleasant year though =)