My part of the story

Around 5 months ago, I've made my most difficult decision yet. I decided to let go. And the time I took to this conclusion was 2weeks. It was because I understand the magical word " sometimes in order not to fall apart , you have to let go of what keeps you together" that I've come to this decision. Trust me, it was a long row to hoe and this time, I put all my eggs in one basket. A fool at 40 is a fool forever, and I would never want to end up like that.

I too, constantly encourage and demand myself to stand up fast. I thought I'll be able to get to my feet after a few weeks just like what you aimed for. So, I stopped thinking about the things because I knew a watched pot never boils. Time flies and without noticing, a few months have already passed. At this moment, I though YES... finally... FINALLY... FINALLY!!!! THE PAIN IS GONE!! I DID IT~*. I was pretty much happy then. To be exact, I felt relieved instead.

This was the time when thingS started to approach me again. Was it purely coincidence or was it fated?! Frankly speaking, I do not know. All of a sudden, it came to my senses that the feeling was still strong, very strong, associated with the same tremendous pain. It was just in the state of inactivation for the moment. Opps.... I'm doomed. WHAT?! It is still here?! But How come?! After all this while, supposingly, things are as much use as a handbrake on a canoe to me now. How did this happen? After a month of Sundays, what have gone wrong?! Nothing seemed wrong during the process and why this now?

This wasn't of my control, it was of subconscious. Yes, it is true that if there's a wish, there's a way and the mindset is in me. No one can help me. But you know what?! All this while, I've never thought of getting anyone's help because I know I am my only saviour. Yea!! Cross your fingers and everything will happen just like what you hope for?! Yea right.. No matter how thingS go well, sometimes, just sometimes, tHings are likely to follow their way of flow. Perseverance you talking about, what do you think my 5 months are trying to tell you?! Please do allow me to tell you. To me, great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance. Perseverance was my only friend during that 5 months.

Now that I have this cip on my shoulder, yes, I have to admit after all the hardworks I've done, it is kind of pathetic. And you think I'll be at my wit's end? And you think I'll be away with the fairies? I am almost nineteen now and I am truly aware of the things at the top of my list. Please do not worry about me, and sorry if I made you. People get lonely at times and some of the time it is because they just want to be alone. Isn't it perfectly alright to do so?

As you've said, history keeps reminding you of your mistakes, so that you wouldn't live the previous life anymore. Same goes to me. This indicates the significance of the past events to you and also to me. How can a person live their previous life? Your experiences are the major factor preventing that from happening. Nothing will be same as before. It will never return to what it used to be. Never. But being slightly haunted by the past doesn't mean that I long for the past, I want to live my previous life, I want everything to go back exactly the same like the olden days. I used to, but now, not anymore. This only means that i need more time.

You said you are opposite as me. Unfortunately, I don't think so. You decide what comes to your life least, of course, you have the power to decide what comes to your life most as well. When you decide what leaves you life most, at the same time, you're deciding what leaves your life the least indirectly. How can one let go of predestination since it is fated. Everything you do is at the cause of it.

I believe Im capable of doing anything I want to.
Just that I need more time.

PS: thingS mentioned earlier is not a non-living being. Hope you understand C=
Just wanted to tell I'm alright and I'm strong. =)