People, me and my life

Really, there are all kinds of people in this world.
So many different kinds of thinking and perception.
And I always got criticized in everything I do despite I've been trying very hard to become a better myself.
Got really tired of living but giving up on my life also shows that I've lost to my life and everyone.

No, not after I've been living 19 years under the people's contempt.
No matter how many times people's words have stabbed me from every angle so hard into my heart, I'll have to stand up and force myself to walk down the road.
That's the only way for me to stay alive as I'm not ready to let go of the sweets of this world yet.
No matter how much I wish I could stab these people back with a larger, sharper and deadlier knife.In the end, I gave up.
I gave up every time before the knife pierced through the lungs and hearts of the people.
Thinking about the consequences and unnecessity of the action of hurting someone I've never thought of hurting of.Yes, I cowardly gave up the knife in my hand.
Yes, I'm a coward.
Even if I know how much satisfaction and pride I could earned back with just another one more step.

Sigh... I'm a freaking coward compared to the people around me.
My objective of living is not to harm people, instead I want some recognitions from the people around, at least my friends and form warm relationships with everyone.
I don't want to be hated but I know I already am.Sigh...
No matter how dark and lonely the present and future may seems.
I'll walk down the path even if it means that arrows from everywhere will form shafts through my body.
I'll walk...